Common Concerns & Frequently Asked Questions

This is a devastating experience for most people - even if you did suspect something serious when the hospital 'phoned with an urgent appointment to see the specialist.

"Shocked", "Devastated" ,"Numb", "What  about my family?", "Oh my God, it can't be true" - this is how many people describe their experience. So you are not alone.

"The doctor was very kind and tried to explain the treatment I could have, and the nurse said not to worry, they would do some more tests and I would start treatment soon. But I can't remember anything they said - I didn't hear anything else, my mind went blank". 

Now you are home again, looking at this computer screen, there are so many questions going round in your head. You are probably wondering where to look, what to do, where to go, who to talk to, what happens next?

Based on our experience at Cancer Connections  we would like to suggest the following:

• talk about it with your family, or a close friend
• write down your questions
• arrange another appointment with the specialist 
• take the piece of paper with you and ask all the questions
• make sure that you understand  the answers
• take your husband, wife, partner or friend with you so that they can remember what you forget.
• in this situation it can be helpful to talk with others who have been through the same experience, so ask if there is a cancer support group near where you live, and make contact with them.
• If you live in the Northeast of England, come along to Cancer Connections.

Our Drop-In is open Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday afternoons from 2-5 pm at

Action Station, Boldon Lane, South Shields NE34 0AS

If you are not sure about meeting other people just yet, you can telephone us on 0191 456 5081.  We will do our best to help you find the information or support that you need.

The diagnosis of cancer can have a big impact on the whole family. Children can experience many different problems when they discover that their Mum or Dad, or grandparent, has a serious illness.

Never having been in this position before, you may feel that you do not know how to tell your children about the cancer. What exactly do you say? What do you call it? How much to tell them? Are there any children's books that would be good to read together? What if they don't understand? Will they be upset? Should their teachers at school be told?

At Cancer Connections there are several young mothers (and a Grandpa!) who have had cancer and who bring along their young families. An experienced child minder knows just how to make the children feel at home while their mums catch up with friends and find the support or guidance they may need.

For teenagers struggling to come to terms with their parent's cancer we also have two experienced school counsellors available.

Every family is different but if you are not sure how to talk with your children about cancer, it could be helpful to meet other families who have been through this experience, or meet with one of our counsellors.

If you think we might be able to help your family, come to the Cancer Connections Drop-In,   or telephone 0191 456 5081 for more information.

In general it is true that 'men don't talk about cancer' but that does not mean that they don't want to talk about it - especially if they or the wife has been diagnosed with it.

In a questionnaire that we sent to residents of South Tyneside two thirds of men who replied (67%) said that if they had cancer they would like someone to talk to about it.

Coping with the news, taking time off work for tests and treatment, unable to work while you are recovering, worrying about the money, anxious about your job, not wanting to upset your wife or partner, too embarrassed to talk about it with friends or colleagues - all of these things can have a serious effect on family life and you as a person.

Talking about in the family can be a great help, but many men find this difficult: "My boys look up to me, I can't let them down" or "my wife is wonderful but she shouldn't have to worry about this".

In this situation, talking with someone outside the family, but not at hospital, who has had the same or a similar cancer can be a great help.

Come to Cancer Connections - by yourself, in confidence, or as a couple, or bring the whole family. You can see someone in private or meet new friends with whom you  can share your experiences, and find advice or practical help if that is needed. 

Visit our Drop-In or telephone 0191 456 5081 for more information.

For most people, having chemotherapy or radiotherapy is a completely new experience so there is no way that you can know what to expect or what may happen. Although there are national guidelines for treating each type of cancer, it is important to realize that both chemotherapy and radiotherapy are adjusted to your particular situation. Also, remember that everybody is different and that people react differently to similar treatments.

Before you start treatment your medical team should have explained what your chemotherapy or radiotherapy will involve. With each visit for treatment there is always an opportunity to ask the nurse, radiographer or medical staff about anything that that worries you or you do not understand. Don't be afraid to ask!

If you would like more information about any part of your treatment you can

• go to the Cancer Information Centre at the hospital where the Information Manager or one of the volunteers will be able to help you find what you are looking for.
• use the internet. Try www.cancernorth.nhs.uk  which is the patient information website for the North of England Cancer Network. On the home page choose 'public' and then click on 'treatments' at the top of the screen.
• for more detailed information go to www.cancerhelp.org.uk. This is the website of Cancer Research UK which is updated regularly.
• come to Cancer Connections where you can talk with other people who have had chemotherapy and radiotherapy and know what it's like.

Recovery after cancer surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy varies from person to person. Some people seem to bounce back very quickly - able to drive a bus six weeks after major surgery - while others find it quite impossible to work for several months. 

Part of recovery is physical, as the wound heals, muscles regain their strength, and side effects of radio or chemotherapy subside. Your medical team will give you a good idea what to expect, and you will probably find that your 'body will tell you' when you are ready.

The other part of getting back to work is psychological, and less easy to understand. Many people find that the whole process of cancer treatment undermines their confidence. After weeks or months when you seem to have little control over what is happening to you, the idea of going back to work and making decisions, catching up with what's happened while you have been away, can be quite a struggle.

Then there's the question of meeting work colleagues again. Will the manager understand that it would help if you could start back part time? Will the boss or Personnel allow it? Will your colleagues want to talk about your experience or not know what to say? May be worried about you joining the production team again?

If you are concerned about returning to work after cancer treatment, or need help in approaching your employer, contact Cancer Connections. At the Drop-In you can met other people who have been through this part of the 'cancer journey', are enjoying work again, and can help. Talking to our benefits and finance advisor may be useful too.

Cancer Connections Drop-In
Action Station
Boldon Lane
South Shileds 

Telephone 0191 456 5081 or email at info@cancerconnections.org.uk

Most people diagnosed with cancer have to stop work for several weeks or months after  surgery or while having chemo or radiotherapy. If you are off work because of your cancer this may affect your wages, depending on your employment contract. Remember, too, that your partner may want, or need, to take time off work to spend more time with you.

Having to cope with money problems, as well as the other aspects of cancer, is something you could do without - and is almost certainly avoidable if you think about it in advance.

At Cancer Connections we can arrange an appointment for you with an experienced financial advisor who can help to

• understand your financial situation
• suggest questions to ask your employer
• see if you are entitled to any benefits
• help fill in application forms
• draft letters to your bank or other financial organization
• help sort out repayments if you are in debt

This help is free of charge. If you think we could be of assistance, come to the Cancer Connections Drop-In or telephone 0191 456 5081. Home visits can be arranged if you prefer.

It's not your fault if cancer causes you financial difficulty - don't be too embarrassed to seek help before things get complicated.

Caring, at home, for someone who has advanced cancer can be an exhausting job - more than full time if you have to be up in the night. Even when you are asleep you are listening just in case help is needed. No matter how devoted you are it is unrealistic to think that you will be able to manage without some other help.

Fortunately plenty of help is available, but you may need help to find it.

• Your GP and the District Nurses will be the first people to ask.
• If  you or they think more help is needed they should contact the
• Community Palliative Care Team (Macmilllan Nurses and Social Worker) or the
• Local Hospice and Palliative Care specialists.
• Marie Curie or Macmillan volunteers can sit through the night so you can get some sleep.
• Your family will also want to help, but it is important to be honest with each other and be organised about who can do what - and be prepared to support each other.
• If at any time you feel more help is needed don't be afraid to ask the professionals!

You will, of course, want all the attention to be given to the person with the cancer but it is easy for your needs, as the carer, to be forgotten.

Your neighbours may be able to help with shopping but may hesitate to offer if you do not ask.

You need to get out for some fresh air, go to the shops, have a coffee with friends without feeling guilty, may be talk with someone to share your worries, seek some advice, even have a laugh.

Caring for someone with cancer? From time to time you will need a break.

At Cancer Connections you will find friends who have been there and understand.

Telephone 0191 456 5081 and see if we can help.

In today's world, although there is a lot of death in the news, in the papers and on television, death is not something that people like to talk about. As a result, many people feel embarrassed and do not know what to say, or do, when someone dies.

The death of a loved one or a close friend will cause very strong emotions, some of them new and unexpected, some confusing and distressing. On top of your grief and feeling sad or angry, it is quite possible that you will also feel lonely - even 'deserted' by your friends or family - just at the time when you need their comfort and support the most.

Friends and acquaintances come to the funeral but then assume that life goes on as it did before and expect you to 'get over it' and get back to 'normal' as if nothing has changed. When you want to talk about the person who has died, they change the subject. Because they have not been through this experience they do not understand, but that does not make it any easier for you.

At Cancer Connections we are pleased help anybody affected by cancer. All of our members have been affected by cancer in some way or another, and that includes losing a husband or wife, brother or sister, a child or a grandparent.

• If you would like to talk with someone about the person who has died, we are happy to listen.
• If you are not sure how to go about practical things, our experience may be able to help.
• If you are really struggling to cope with your loss and don't know where to turn we have special counsellors who are experienced in helping people who have been bereaved.

If you think we could help, come to our Drop-In or telephone 0191 456 5081 for more information. 

It's good to talk, especially if it's cancer.

The idea behind Cancer Connections is that it should be a 'home from home' - a private and safe place where people feel able to face their concerns, knowing that help, friendship and support is available - from others who have been through the same cancer experience.

We are based in South Shields (in northeast England) and started out to help the people of South Tyneside. However, our 'fame' has spread and several of our visitors and members come from other parts of the Northeast.

We would like to think that you can find the help you are looking for in you own local community, but if that is not the case, and you  can come to Boldon Lane, South Shields, there will be a warm welcome for you at our Drop-In.

Alternatively, please telephone 0191 456 5081 or email us at info@cancerconnections.org.uk  - we will see what we can do to help.